Love Lust
by Silvandar
Summary: Something is bothering Gwaine. As his friend, it's Merlin's job to find out what. But it looks like Merlin isn't the only one keeping secrets... YAOI, MERWAINE
1. Chapter 1

**OK so this is an intro piece to Merwaine, mostly because I try not to write slash that goes "and then they fuck". So I've set up some background and a tiny bit of plot. **

**It's based around a month after the events of the end of Season 4. There will be smut at a later date, but I hope you can tolerate the scene setting first!**

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The horses were exhausted, lathered and panting as their riders pushed on towards the gleaming spires on the horizon. So close to home, the small group of men desired nothing more than to fall into hot baths and soft beds. With unspoken promises of hay and rest, they urges their mounts to give just a little bit more, to get them home before dark.

Arthur sat his saddle awkwardly, wincing every now and again as the rough terrain took its toll on two cracked ribs. Percival was slumped in his saddle and Leon was carrying himself bolt upright due to the slash across his back that was bound but painful. Elyan was fighting back nausea from the pain of a badly sprained wrist and even the usually chipper Gwaine looked about to fall asleep astride his horse.

About the only member of the group even approaching comfortable was Merlin, despite the fact that he put in twice as much work on these trips as the knights of Camelot did. Cooking, clearing up, setting up and taking down camp, managing the horses and the occasional spot of first aid were all part of his job. The incidental uses of magic to keep Arthur's coals out of the fire were often a light break in comparison. This workload had one positive side effect though – Merlin's stamina was actually greater than the knights, who were built and trained more for sudden bursts of violence than rigorous, ongoing labour.

The hunting trip had gone well up until the group had run across some bandits on the third day out. The knights had dispatched them, but had been left with some tokens of their affections in the way of the King's cracked ribs and the bruises and scrapes on the rest. Still, Merlin's horse was burdened under the weight of a freshly killed buck and Arthur had a self satisfied expression, so the group cantered through the gates of Camelot with their heads held high.

Queen Guinevere watched the party approach from the top of the steps, smiling indulgently as Arthur leaped from his saddle, winced then bowed floridly to her. Merlin chuckled to himself as he began the process of untethering the buck from his saddle. He was aware of talking and bantering between the knights as they handed their reins to the grooms, the usual alpha male responses to their injuries being dragged out and polished off.

A slap across the back of his head told Merlin he hadn't been paying close enough attention to Arthur and had missed an order. Rubbing his bruised scalp, he turned and raised an eyebrow at his King.

"I said, _Merlin_, when you've finished taking the kill to the kitchens you can come back and polish our armour, clean our boots and then organise a late supper to our rooms. We've been on the road all day!"

Merlin pulled a face. "Are you that hyped on deer blood you've decided to use the Royal We?"

Arthur laughed and indicated the knights who were watching this exchange in amusement. "No Merlin, we as in _we_ – all of of us."

"Wh... oh for the love of... right, yes, fine!" Merlin danced out of the way of a flung bag from Arthur and hid behind a horse. Bloody typical... he'd be up all night with this lot and having to serve them all food when he was starving himself... he gritted his teeth and patted the tired horse's rump, sending it off with the groom. At least the mounts had an easy night ahead of them.

An hour later, Merlin was padding up the last set of stairs carrying a food tray for Gwaine. He had left serving the fun loving knight til last partly because he enjoyed Gwaine's company more than any of the others and partly because he knew Gwaine would insist on Merlin sharing his supper with him. He knocked on the knight's door and heard a crash from inside the room followed by a hasty "wait a second!" in an unusually anxious tone of voice.

He shrugged and waited until Gwaine wrenched the door open, noting that his friend looked a little wild eyed. He was wearing his tunic and hose and looked highly rumpled. Merlin gave a quick grin and peered round the door, saying "you've got a girl in there or something?"

Gwaine muttered something inaudible then grinned and said "come on in and look for yourself!", throwing the door wide open for Merlin to enter. The room was a mess as usual, the long haired joker that was apparently one of the mightiest knights on life taking as much care of his quarters as he usually did his armour. Merlin cleared off the table with one hand and set the food down, looking around curiously. There was no sign of a girl, but Gwaine had certainly been up to something, the bed looked as if it had already been used. Awareness of what he had likely interrupted raised Merlin's colour a little and he shook his head. After all, they had been on the road over a week, it probably wasn't surprising.

Gwaine had recovered his composure and flopped down at the table, attacking a chicken thigh with enthusiasm. Noticing Merlin's eyes drawn to the food he gestured for the servant to sit and pushed the plate across so it was between them. "You've not eaten yet I take it?" he said between bites, pausing only to take a deep draught from the goblet of wine.

"When do I get time to eat?" Merlin laughed, helping himself to a chunk of cheese and an apple. He was always astonished at how much food the knights were given for their meals, compared to his usual helpings from Gaius. He had long since decided that the knights were fed up like cattle so that they would fit into their plate armour, rather than having smaller sizes made.

Gwaine watched Merlin eat with a critical eye. The man was so skinny, it was astonishing that he could even lift half their packs, let alone carry them around camp the way he did. Yet Gwaine knew things about Merlin, things that the average outsider didn't. The young man was a born protector, no doubt about that. The lack of strength at arms was compensated by an intellect that outstripped all the knights, probably put together. Merlin was the brains of any group, despite his low position and the constant jibes of Arthur and the knights. The tricky problems and desperate situations were almost always answered by his soft voice and quick mind. Gwaine had learned to rely on that mind as much as he relied on Arthur's courage or Percival's strength to get them through.

Merlin finished his cheese and sat back, nibbling on his apple. Gwaine was being very quiet as he ate, practically unheard of. Merlin raised his eyebrow and fired an opening volley across the table, wanting some banter before he set off for the armoury.

"So shall I get Gaius for you after this?"

"What?" Gwaine was knocked out of his observation of Merlin by the unexpected question, and lacked an immediate retort. He looked so puzzled that Merlin took pity and fed him the line anyway. "You're so quiet tonight, I figured you were sickening for something."

"Hah" Gwaine tossed the remains of his chicken thigh at the other man and leaned back, stretching out and crunching the joints in his shoulders. "So you came here to eat my food and lap up my humour did you?" he purred, back on solid ground with his wit now.

"Of course" Merlin said, peeling a spare bit of chicken off the bone and eating it with relish. "Why else would I bother with you?" Gwaine chuckled and shrugged, putting his bare feet up on the chair next to him and yawning. "Sorry Merlin, I think you'll have to make do with just the food tonight" he said, closing his eyes as he leaned back. Merlin laughed and stood up, clearing away the plates.

As he prepared to leave, Merlin noticed a rather large chunk of leaves tangled in Gwaine's shoulder length hair. Sighing over his friend's aggressive indifference to cleanliness, he leaned over and lifted the clump free, telling the knight not to move to avoid getting punched in the face for creeping up on him. He didn't notice Gwaine's reaction, and turned with a small wave as he headed back down to the kitchens with the plates.

Gwaine sat for long moments after Merlin had gone, his heart thundering in his chest. He had heard the younger man tell him not to move and had opened his eyes to find Merlin nearly pressed against him, his fingers in his hair... it had taken all of Gwaine's self control not to whimper or moan at the unexpected contact with the slender young man. Now he simply sat there, feeling the flush slowly leaving his face and the blood pounding through his groin. That, he decided, was not a good thing to have happened. Especially considering what he had been up to moments before Merlin knocked on the door... and who he had been thinking about whilst he did it...


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter was a pain in the ass to write. I ended up deleting 2 pages of it and starting again. So apologies if it seems a little short! I'm happier with it now though.**

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Merlin watched as his freshly polished armour crumpled and scratched under the heavy sword blows, sighing inwardly. He had been up til two in the morning working on that lot, and would have been there even longer if he hadn't started by locking the door and getting down to some serious magic. Watching the knights of Camelot putting a host of fresh dents in it wasn't his favourite way to spend the morning.

He couldn't resist a quiet laugh as Gwaine swung a lightning fast blow at Arthur. The King dodged it and lost his footing, pitching himself onto his royal ass. Gwaine hauled him up after a moment and they shared a manly laugh which only made Merlin chuckle more. Despite his objections to the treatment of his handiwork, he found endless amusement in watching the pack playing their games whilst they trained.

Merlin turned his attention back to the shield strap he was fixing and lost his train of thought in the music of metal on metal. He liked times like this, when things were quiet around the castle and there was no immediate threat of death and destruction. Sinking himself into simple tasks was a good way to relax. He got so engrossed in his work that he didn't notice when the knights called a halt and peeled off to their individual day's pursuits. Soon he was alone on the training field.

Well, nearly alone. Gwaine sat down on a bench and pulled off his chain mail, fiddling with a loose link. He liked to steal times like this, when Merlin was completely unaware of him and relaxed. He saved up impressions of him, the way his face looked when he was working, the way his body moved when he thought he was alone. There was a sinuous grace to the younger man that only really came out when Arthur wasn't around. The King made such a show of ridiculing Merlin in public that Merlin shrunk in on himself in his presence, making himself a smaller target. Their banter was born of a long friendship and a great deal of trust, Gwaine knew, but it irked him sometimes.

Gwaine bit his lower lip, his mind wandering to dark places as he watched the object of his infatuation sitting in the sun. So often, the knights joined in Arthur's abuse of the young man and Gwaine had to play his part to fit in with the group. He didn't dare not, he couldn't risk standing out or seeming different. He had held his desires in secret his whole adult life, only the occasional tumble after a drunken tavern night providing him with relief. He knew how to do what straight men did, which women were conventionally pretty enough for him to make a public pass at, which appearances to keep up. But now he found that by keeping up appearances, he was forced to taunt the only person that he really cared about in the world.

Sighing, the troubled knight rose and padded away from the field. Merlin glanced up as he went past and threw him a smile, frowning slightly as Gwaine ignored him. His friend had been behaving very strangely even before they went hunting, spending his nights in the tavern getting almost aggressively drunk and frequently being poured into his bed, so late it was early, by Merlin, who had a standing agreement by now with the landlord that if Gwaine got into trouble it was Merlin who was sent for, not the knights.

The hunting trip itself had been strange, with the usual banter between the knights feeling strained and uncomfortable. Even Arthur had noticed it, privately asking Merlin if everything was OK. From what Merlin could see, Gwaine was heartsick over something and taking it out on his friends and his liver instead of talking about it. Watching him stride away across the field, Merlin made a private decision to deal with it sooner rather than later, before Gwaine got himself into real trouble.

Merlin packed up the kit, returned it to the armoury for his attention later, fixed Arthur a light lunch and made his way through the busy castle carrying food and a flagon of ale. He spotted Gaius and waved, nearly throwing Arthur's lunch down a flight of stairs in the process, and then ran full tilt into the person he had been worrying about all morning. Gwaine's reflexes saved him from a fall down the stairs but not the lunch tray, which clattered out of sight.

"Steady there" Gwaine said, his deep tenor sounding part amused, part annoyed. His hands tightened on Merlin's shoulders as he yanked him back from the staircase then he let him go, looking as if he had touched something dirty. Merlin felt a sense of shame that had nothing to do with the lost meal and everything to do with Gwaine's expression. Why didn't his friend want to touch him?

"S-sorry" Merlin apologised, turning away from him to cover the moment. "I'm such a clutz... now I'm going to have to make Arthur a new meal... damn it." He shook his head and began walking back to the kitchen. Irritation battled the shame and made him add "sorry for getting in your way _Sir Knight_" as he went.

Gwaine stared after him, the words and tone of his last statement clear as a bell. Merlin was angry with him for walking into him, or maybe for the way he had grabbed him... he sighed and turned towards his rooms, feeling even more miserable and lost.

Arriving at his quarters, Gwaine threw himself onto his stomach on the bed. His mind was full of hurt and he let it fester, sinking into the depression that had threatened him for the last month. The urge to drink it away rose but he ignored it, preferring for a while to just writhe in misery alone in his room. He closed his eyes and let his thoughts drift back to that day... that dreadful, horrible day when he had lost his heart utterly to someone he could never have.

He had walked through the forest after Arthur had taken the sword from the stone and he had heard the conversation between Merlin and the King. He had heard the passion in Merlin's voice as he spoke of the King's destiny, and worse, had heard the affection in Arthur's voice as he replied. Jealousy inflamed his mind, the lust he had harboured for Merlin from the first moment he saw him roaring in his chest. As he watched them together he saw through the casual bullying and the taunting to Arthur's true affection for the younger man, and in Merlin's eyes he saw the belief and endless hope Merlin carried for his King. The knowledge of what his insane jealously really meant sank into Gwaine like a blade. He was hopelessly, uselessly in love with Merlin, and he always would be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Is Gwaine ever going to admit his feelings? Is Merlin ever going to change his shirt? Hard to say...**

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Merlin knocked on the door and waited, wondering if his friend was even awake at this time of night. It was much later than he had intended, owing to his breaking a flagon of mead in front of Arthur's dinner table and getting stable duties as well as cleaning up for his trouble.

He knocked softly on the door again and was about to turn away when he heard a stirring from within the room. Moments later, the door opened and Gwaine stood there, blinking sleepily. He was naked to the waist and wearing loose trousers, clearly he had got out of bed to answer Merlin's knock.

Gwaine stared at Merlin for a second before rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand. "Merlin?" he asked, as if he thought he was still asleep. Merlin nodded and said "can I come in?" His expression bemused and wary, Gwaine stepped back into the room and held the door open wide.

Merlin crossed to the table and lit a candle, quickly spilling light into the room as Gwaine closed the door and sat on his bed. He fiddled with another, unsure now he was here of exactly what he wanted to say.

For his part, Gwaine was in a state of shock verging on panic. Upon seeing Merlin he had expected a summons to Arthur's side, not this silent invasion of his room. Now, watching the younger man who was clearly ill at ease, a dozen other possibilities were flooding his mind, each more tantalising than the last.

Straightening up, Merlin turned to look at the knight and was lost for words again for a moment, unable to read Gwaine's expression. He looked strangely terrified yet hopeful, an odd combination. Focusing on his mission, Merlin sat down next to Gwaine on the bed and cleared his throat.

"Look I know it's weird me coming here this late... but I think we need to talk. You're troubled, and you're hiding something from me. Talk to me, tell me what's going on."

Blinking slowly, Gwaine shook his head. "There's nothing... nothing going on..."

"You're drinking, getting into fights... you're taking it out on the other knights, on me... whatever's going on is going to get you in real trouble. Let me help you, Gwaine."

Oh that was unfair... the way his name sounded on Merlin's lips made his heart ache. Let him help... there was only one thing that could lift this blackness, the taste of those lips. Gwaine closed his eyes and shook his head again, denying what Merlin could clearly see.

"There's nothing you can do... it's just... I'll get over it. I'll watch myself around the others, I didn't know I was taking it out on them... on... on you..."

He gasped as Merlin put his hand on his bare shoulder and instinct took over, making him jerk his body away from that tempting flesh. Merlin stared at his friend as he reacted to the touch and stood up, shame and anger on his face. What had happened between them?

"Maybe you were right, maybe you shouldn't have become a knight. Seems their attitude to servants has rubbed off on you" Merlin accused, wrapping his arms around his torso and stepping away from Gwaine. The look on the older man's face served only to confuse him more, a mix of guilt and a deep grief that seemed out of place. Shaking his head to ward off the surge of anger he felt, he tried one last time to get through to his friend.

"Whatever it is, _whatever_, you can talk to me Gwaine. I don't care how bad it is. Nothing will make me stop being your friend!"

And there it was... the pledge made in the face of such an obvious friendship breaking secret. Gwaine hung his head and folded quietly onto the end of the bed, aware that his heart was scrabbling to get out of his chest and that his lip was trembling despite his efforts to hold back his pain. He put his head in his hands and moaned "get out Merlin... please... just get out" as he tried to hold everything in.

Merlin watched his friend crumple onto the bed and felt sick, knowing that Gwaine was fighting him, fighting himself, made him feel ill. He sat beside him and reached out, unsure if he would be pushed aside again but determined to try. Merlin lay his hand on Gwaine's shoulder and felt the other man flinch, and whispered "talk to me Gwaine... tell me... please..."

What could he do? He could push Merlin away, throw him from the room and sob himself to sleep. That was what he should do, and he hardened his heart to follow that plan. He looked up and straight into those deep blue eyes, inches from his own. The shock of meeting that gaze ran through him like a fever and he groaned aloud, unable to stop himself.

Placing a trembling hand on Merlin's shoulder, Gwaine felt his words being tugged from him almost against his will, brought out by those beautiful eyes. He shook violently as he spoke, aware that he was loosing Merlin's friendship forever with each breath. But as he talked, he realised that he couldn't bear to be just his friend, that the love for him had taken over and reduced all else to ashes. If he couldn't have him as his lover, he couldn't bear to have any other part of him.

"I've been hiding from you... afraid of what you would say, what you would think of me. There's... there's something I haven't told you, about why I decided to help Arthur take back Camelot, why I decided to become a knight. I thought I could hide it, bury it, but after the last war, I realised I couldn't do that any more. It's... it's killing me, Merlin. My feelings..." he shook his head, unable to meet that azure gaze any more. He took in a long breath, then uttered the words that had been written on his heart for two years.

"I did it... for you. To protect you, to be with you... because you're my friend... my best friend... because I... I love you."


	4. Chapter 4

**Its starting to make sense... the smut will be forthcoming I promise, just not... yet...**

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The shock reverberated around the darkened room, the only sound for long moments was Gwaine's laboured breathing as he tried to calm himself. Merlin simply sat on the bed, staring at the wall. The words rang in his head, irrevocable and absolute.

"Because I love you."

As the impact of his friends confession set in, Merlin gave himself over to his sensory impressions, an instinct born from a lifetime's sorcery allowing him to step back from his emotions and concentrate on his body. He used it as a tool to understand what Gwaine was saying to him, and to understand his reactions to it. Awareness of a heightened heart rate and a slow, spreading flush filled him. His temperature had spiked, his head felt light and a strange, tumbling sensation was happening in his gut. He passed a hand slowly over his face and realised the tension in his cheeks was a nervous smile.

Gwaine sat there, staring at the floor. He could feel Merlin's shock and was waiting for the roar of disgust, outrage, betrayal. The longer the silence went on, the more tense he became, his shoulder muscles knotting and his jaw clenching. He was so tense that when Merlin finally spoke he flinched as if from a blow.

"You... love me?"

The question was soft but nevertheless demanding. Merlin sought clarity, sought understanding. Gwaine closed his eyes again and nodded.

"Yes. With all my heart."

Merlin stood up slowly, his knees threatening to spill him onto the floor. He had no conditioned response to fall back on, no instinctive rejection to hide behind. His life had been so filled with magic and secrets and destiny that he had spent no time forming opinions on his own desires, his own needs. He had loved Freya instantly, a bond between them that was as strong as the friendship he had with Gwaine. When he lost her, he had been heartbroken but had not closed himself off to love.

Perhaps more importantly, Merlin had never encountered these feelings from another person, man or woman. He was aware that men generally did not consort with each other in public, but in his four years as a servant in the castle he had seen many things that advised him differently in private. Knights who arrived for tournaments and shared quarters were something common, and as their servant he had seen the signs of relationships between them that were more than friends.

Nothing about Gwaine's confession shocked him then, apart from the simple fact that it had been made towards him. Merlin. A servant of no (apparently) exceptional status or skills. The effect of Gwaine's words were twofold – they made Merlin aware of how much he resented his public face, how little he thought of himself without his magic, and they filled him with a sudden longing to be loved again.

He remembered vividly the first few days in Camelot, when he first understood that he could not use magic openly. The pain of that knowledge, the words he had spoken to Gaius... "without magic, I'm nothing." That feeling had not changed even after everything, the instant dismissal of Gwaine's profession of love came from disbelief that anyone could love Merlin without knowing his secret. The thought hurt him, it hurt that he had so low an opinion of himself.

Merlin crossed the room to the table and poured out a goblet of wine with shaking hands, taking a large gulp then pushing it into Gwaine's unresisting fingers. His friend was going through hell, his confession had been made in desperation and despair. Merlin saw clearly that Gwaine expected nothing less than utter rejection and hatred, something that Merlin would never do. He needed to pull his friend out of that mentality, to get him talking, get him out of the blackness. That was more important than anything else.

The knight looked up as the goblet was pushed into his hands, his eyes shining with unshed tears. He couldn't understand why Merlin had not left, had not denounced him. The wine tasted warm on his lips as he drank silently, the burst of flavour in his mouth bringing him back to an awareness beyond his grief and fear. He watched as Merlin poured a second goblet of wine and then sat beside him once more.

"You... you're not leaving?" the question felt harsh, but needed to be asked. Merlin shook his head, trying to find the right words.

"I've only loved one person" he began, speaking slowly. "She was a girl I met in Camelot, and she died. I've been so busy with Arthur that I've... I've not sought out love again. If I'm honest, I suppose I never expected to hear anyone say they loved me. When you live in the shadow of the King, it's rare that people notice you at all."

Merlin turned to look at Gwaine and saw the incredulity on his face. He was utterly bemused, Merlin's words were making no sense. In a flash of insight, Merlin saw that Gwaine had a fixed idea of how this conversation should be going, and Merlin's lack of conformity to that had confounded him. Taking a moment, Merlin took a good long look at his friend.

It had never occurred to Merlin to look at a man aesthetically, but now in the face of the night's revelations, he found he couldn't help himself. His eyes took in the whip-like frame and pale skin of the knight, pausing over the clear definition of his muscles and the contours of his face. Gwaine was not a true knight's build, he lacked the overwhelming power of a lifetime in chainmail and plate. Instead, he had a mercenary's body, the frame of one who lived on his nerves and ate when he could. Over a year in the castle had changed him a little, given his torso harder muscle and filled out his cheeks, but underneath the warrior was still there. Merlin took in the way his hair fell in lazy waves to his shoulders and the line of his jaw, softened by his beard. He acknowledged that his friend was beautiful.

Now he turned that around and presented it to himself, the ability to clinically examine his own desires and motivations again coming from his studies with Gaius, and with magic. Instead of comparing Gwaine with Freya to see if he felt anything towards him, he simply took his friend on his own merits. Considering him as an object of attraction, Merlin calmly assessed his responses. He could feel his heart beating slight faster as he ran his eyes over Gwaine's body, could feel a heat passing over his skin. The openness of Gwaine's confession of love offered possibilities of closeness, possibilities which made Merlin's body respond. Curious, he reached out a hand and gently ran his fingertips across Gwaine's shoulder, noting how his own body reacted to that touch, how his skin flushed and his mouth went dry.

Gwaine watched Merlin silently as he attempted to process his feelings. He saw the way the younger man examined him, like a curio, a strange thing that had come into his life without warning. He saw the clear blue gaze pass over his body and his face, forcing himself to remain still for Merlin's scrutiny. Gwaine had no idea what was going on in Merlin's mind, but he had been prepared for blows and outrage so this quiet observation was a blessing to him. Then Merlin's hand moved, reached out and touched his skin, and Gwaine saw those blue eyes widen, saw Merlin's lips part slightly, and a faint hope began to flutter breathlessly in his chest.

One thing about him, Gwaine was never slow. His mind was almost as quick as Merlin's when it came to reading people, and he had fairly low impulse control. He was also a natural dominant, loud and gregarious, whimsical to a fault and – most of the time – overwhelmingly self confidant. Now he saw Merlin's exploration of him, first with his eyes and then with a light touch, and his instincts kicked in. Gwaine trusted those instincts, he'd lived on them long enough. He leaned forward, taking his weight on one hand and putting himself deliberately in Merlin's personal space, his dark eyes fixed on blue.

"I see you" he said softly, his voice still betraying a slight tremor. "I've always seen you. When I saw you in that tavern, all those years ago, did you really think I was fighting for Arthur? No, it was you. It's always been you."

Merlin let his mind wander freely, examining his feelings, his physical responses, his instincts. He felt a deep sense of relief that Gwaine was speaking, looking at him, taking control of the situation instead of being helpless. Helpless did not suit the rugged knight. The sense of Gwaine inside his personal space made Merlin's pulse race a little faster, knowing that the other man desired this closeness and more made his lips twitch in a tiny smile.

"Why have you been so awful the last few weeks, Gwaine?" That question needed answering, it was why he came here tonight and he needed to make sure his friend was OK before any other considerations. It took all of Merlin's considerable powers of focus to remember that, but he managed it.

Gwaine flushed slightly and shook his head. "I thought... I had thought you were in love with someone else" he said, lowering his eyes. "I was jealous, insanely jealous... I didn't know what to do."

Frowning, Merlin wondered who the person was that had sparked Gwaine's jealousy. He opened his mouth to frame the question, then realised it didn't matter. He had just told Gwaine there was noone in his heart, the knight was reassured. Now, the only question he had left was for himself. He silently asked it, and smiled at the answer he received.

Merlin leaned forward just a fraction, holding Gwaine's eyes. "Well... now that you know I'm not, will you stop being such a pratt?" he asked softly. The knight's lips curled in a smirk of his own as Merlin closed the distance between them even more. Gwaine nodded and then reached up and ran his fingers softly up into Merlin's hair, watching his face to make sure he wasn't reading him wrong.

The touch at the back of his neck made tiny sparks fly up and down Merlin's spine and his eyes closed instinctively. He felt Gwaine gently stroke his hair and he looked up into his eyes, excitement flooding him now that the reality was upon him. He knew how this next part worked, at least. They crossed the line from friendship into something more as their lips met.


	5. Chapter 5

**You've been very patient and kind, so here's the start of the smut I promised you. Hope you like!**

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Gwaine had dreamt of this moment, this first kiss, over and over for the last two years. He had imagined every possible scenario, every way that this could happen. Yet now, feeling Merlin's soft lips against his own, he realised that his imagination was pathetic, hopeless, utterly useless to him. Nothing he had ever thought up could match this feeling.

The kiss was tentative, nervous yet hopeful for both of them, and over quickly. They drew back, catching their breath and reassessing themselves. Merlin felt heat in his cheeks and the feel of Gwaine's lips still on his skin. He closed his eyes, the desire for more taking him over. He reached up and pushed trembling fingers into Gwaine's thick hair, grabbing a handful lightly and pulling the knight back into a firmer kiss.

With a sigh, Gwaine slipped his arms around Merlin's torso, letting himself sink into that kiss happily. He was making soft sounds as they teased each other's lips, sounds that made Merlin squirm where he sat and raised his temperature. With a soft gasp he pulled away, taking a deep breath and trying to regain thought. No chance of that, with Gwaine. The knight used the pause to shift his attention, running his lips along Merlin's jaw and onto his throat.

The younger man cried out softly as strong teeth nipped his flesh, his head falling to the side to expose his throat to further exquisite torture. He pulled himself closer to Gwaine, one hand deep in his hair and the other curling around a muscular shoulder. Gwaine moaned against pale flesh as he felt the other move against him and with a single sweep of his arm, dragged Merlin up into his lap.

"You weigh nothing" he murmured as he kissed Merlin's jaw, lips searching for that willing mouth again. Merlin laughed huskily and met his kiss, taking his weight on his hands briefly as he settled himself astride Gwaine's hips. The position gave him height and he leaned back, looking down at the knight. Nimble fingers teased at long brown locks as Merlin watched the lust rising in Gwaine's eyes. He smiled and leaned down, kissing him softly and slowly, enjoying the touch of flesh against flesh.

The older man allowed the soft touches to go on for long minutes before easing his hands up Merlin's spine to his neck and brushing his lips with his tongue. Feeling the other man shiver at that unexpected touch, he smiled and then pushed further in, slowly licking Merlin's lips and probing into his mouth with a moan of delight. The servant tasted delicious, a unique flavour that Gwaine would never forget. He stroked Merlin's tongue with his own, encouraging it to dance as his rough, calloused hands ran up under his tunic and caressed his spine.

A gasp of pleasure told Gwaine that Merlin was enjoying this as much as he was and he smiled into their kiss, twisting his body and pushing the younger man onto his back on the bed. Gwaine took control, easing his thigh between Merlin's knees and cupping his jaw with his hand as he softly assaulted his mouth with his greedy tongue. The sensations the servant was producing in him were remarkable, he was so high on lust by now that almost all conscious thought was gone. Enough remained though to keep his hands above Merlin's waist, knowing perhaps instinctively that his new playmate would be the one to make that decision.

For his part, Merlin was rapidly sinking into a haze of lust of his own. The way Gwaine was handling him spoke of volumes of experience and the confidence the knight showed was extremely arousing. Merlin felt like he could just let Gwaine take him over, just float on his feelings and his desires. As Gwaine laid him on the bed and spread his thighs expertly he felt a flutter of panic, but the pressure on his body quickly turned that to desire. All the air seemed to go out of the room, all the blood in his body went south and he groaned, pushing up against Gwaine's chest and wrapping himself around his lover.

The knight felt Merlin rise against him and drew him close, letting him tumble them over so he was lying on top of Gwaine's eager body. The switch in position pressed their frames together and each realised simultaneously that the other was desperately aroused. Merlin was unable to hold back a loud moan as the knight ground his thigh against him, causing sudden, delicious friction. Gwaine chuckled at the sound and let his hands wander under the younger man's shirt, stroking his spine as he moved against him.

"So noisy" Gwaine accused, biting Merlin's lower lip gently. Merlin gasped and arched at the pressure on his back, pressing his aching groin harder against Gwaine's thigh. The friction was making his head spin, he felt as if every nerve he had was concentrated in that one place. He moaned again as the knight gripped his tunic and tugged it off over his head, exposing his heated skin to the cool air in the room.

Forcing himself up onto his elbow, Merlin let his eyes feast on the man below him. His hands explored the hard muscles of his chest and stomach as he felt Gwaine copying him, felt sword-roughened fingers on his skin. The sensations were nearly overwhelming him and he cried out as Gwaine leaned up and ran his tongue over a tempting nipple, moistening the nub of flesh and shooting sparks of pleasure up Merlin's spine. He had never been touched like this, never felt so needed. Despite his nerves and his inexperience, he let curiosity take over his wandering hands and moved his light touches lower, brushing the weight inside Gwaine's hose.

The reaction from the knight was instant, he shot nearly bolt upright with an oath and his back arched so high Merlin thought for a second he had injured him. He paused with his fingertips just brushing the length of Gwaine's arousal, waiting to be pushed away. He was surprised when Gwaine dropped back onto the sheets with his eyes closed, panting hard. After a moment, the knight growled "that... don't have to... don't expect you to..." and Merlin understood. Smiling at his newly discovered power over the other he leaned down and licked Gwaine's jaw before whispering in his ear "don't you want to be touched, Sir Knight?"

The teasing in Merlin's voice brought another growl of lust from Gwaine and he forced his eyes open, looking up at the younger man. The expression of victory on Merlin's face was nearly enough to undo the knight then and there and he ground his teeth, trying to keep control of himself. The feel of the other's fingers brushing his aching arousal was sheer agony and bliss at the same time, a touch he had not felt in several months and wanted more than air right now. He met Merlin's lust darkened eyes and nodded, unable to speak.

"You do want it?" Merlin asked, firming his grip and using his other hand to take his weight so he could slide to one side. The feel of the other man throbbing in his hand was intoxicating, the look on Gwaine's face more than erotic. This was a power comparable to magic, the ability to control and pleasure the other was incredibly arousing in itself. He smiled as those huge dark eyes slipped closed under the motions of his hand and dropped his lips to Gwaine's shoulder, working his kisses down until he found a sensitive nub of flesh.

Merlin had taken care of his own needs often enough to know what he was doing and he soon brought Gwaine to gasping, even through the coarse material of his hose. His lips and tongue did sinful work on his lovers chest and stomach, leaving moist trails across his flushed skin. He discovered that he was a natural tease as more ideas popped into his head, more ways to make his knight moan and twitch under him. Resting his chin on Gwaine's shoulder, he purred into his ear "now who's the loud one?" with a smile on his face.

Gwaine groaned and then laughed, his fingers twisting into Merlin's hair as he felt his hand working on him, keeping him at the edge of pleasure. "It's your fault though" he murmured, his back arching slightly as Merlin increased the pressure for a moment. "Oh really?" the servant muttered, "if that's so, I wonder how loud I can make you?"

He gave Gwaine a second to process that, a second for those eyes to flash open, before slipping his hand into his hose and forcing the fabric out of the way. As his cold fingers found heated flesh Gwaine gave a strangled scream, arching off the bed then collapsing with a shudder. Merlin moaned too, the reaction sending bolts of lust into his already crowded groin. He wanted this touch, wanted to feel what Gwaine was feeling, but he also wanted to keep his dominance over the other man. He grit his teeth against his rising need and moved his tongue back to Gwaine's lips, forcing his way into his trembling mouth as his hand began working his flesh in earnest, drawing tiny gasps and moans from him.

The knight's hips were rising off the bed now, thrusting into Merlin's talented fingers wantonly, all dignity forgotten in the need for release. Gwaine drew breaths when he could, the lack of air from Merlin's fierce kiss making the sensations in his body seem even more intense.

Then, with a clever twist of his wrist and a swipe of his thumb, Merlin felt Gwaine's motion stutter and loose all rhythm, and he knew he had taken his lover as close to the edge as he could go. With a savage grin he broke their kiss and purred "should I stop now?" into his ear, nibbling his shoulder as he spoke.

"No... god... please no... don't... don't stop!" Gwaine groaned and Merlin chuckled, a throaty sound that made Gwaine's heart bound in his chest. With a sound of concession, Merlin began to work him faster and harder, pressing his own arousal against Gwaine's thigh to give himself some friction. He heard the low cry seconds before he felt his hips buck. Hot fluids spilled over his fingers and Gwaine shuddered and flailed as his muscles spasmed, waves of heat and pleasure racing through his body as he climaxed.

Gwaine lay gasping for long moments before opening his eyes, a light sheen of sweat and a flush of shame covering his face and chest. His apology for releasing died on his lips as he watched Merlin raise his dripping fingers to his own lips and a curious tongue flick out. The image burned itself into Gwaine's brain as Merlin smiled at the salty taste and looked down at him, his own lust plain on his face. Leaning down to kiss the shivering knight, Merlin murmured "I enjoyed that..." and Gwaine felt the blood head south once more.


	6. Chapter 6

**Moar smut!**

* * *

Gwaine pushed himself into a sitting position and drew Merlin into a kiss, tasting himself on the other's lips. He moaned softly as Merlin's arms wrapped around him and pulled the younger man back down onto the bed, lying on top of him and sinking his fingers into his hair. Kisses turned to licks and bites as he worked his way down Merlin's throat. Gwaine knew exactly what he wanted to do to his lover now.

The feel of firm lips and a soft beard working their way down his body left Merlin gasping, eyes half closed with lust. He wasn't ashamed of his body, although he knew he was skinny, so he had no worries about Gwaine exploring him like this. But when he felt the knight hook his fingers into the top of Merlin's hose and start to undress him he sat up, stopping Gwaine with a shaking hand.

"I... you..." Gwaine covered his protests with a kiss and then looked at him, his usually cheerful face serious. "It's OK... if you don't want me to" he murmured, but the look in his eyes was pleading. Merlin stared down at him and thought about the way he had touched him moments before. He'd already crossed the line, there was no point getting shy now. And fear was all it was, his body was aching to be touched. Getting a firm grip on his nerves, he nodded sharply and took his hands out of the way.

The knight grinned and pushed Merlin back onto the bed with one hand, using the other to remove his hose. Pausing for a moment, he ran his eyes over the servant's body in silent worship of the man he had desired for so long.

Merlin was a servant and his body shape reflected that, but looking at him naked it told another story. He was skinny and tall, with a dusting of dark hair and very pale skin. But it was the scars that drew Gwaine's eyes. He ran his fingertips over them slowly – sword wounds on his legs and abrasions on his back and stomach from countless scrapes. Merlin squirmed a little and Gwaine smiled, realising he was neglecting him. He lay beside him and drew him into a kiss, stroking the lines of his chest softly.

"You've got almost as many scars as me" he murmured, making Merlin chuckle. "Hardly, you look worse than your a-armour" he replied, his breath hitching on the last word as Gwaine's thumb teased his nipple. The knight purred happily in Merlin's ear as his hands drifted agonisingly slowly down his body, making the younger man twitch and groan. "Tease" Merlin objected as Gwaine skipped over his groin and began stroking the soft skin on his inner thigh. "You can bloody talk" the knight laughed as he captured Merlin's lips again.

By the time Gwaine relented and eased his hand to the right place, Merlin was practically begging to be touched. The feel of those rough fingers finally meeting his need was too intense for a moment and he cried out, his voice echoing around the stone room. Gwaine quickly covered his lips with his own, laughing softly as he gave him a moment to recover. A moment was all he allowed however, as soon as Merlin was able to kiss him back he began pleasuring him, pressing his body tightly against him as he worked on his sensitive flesh.

The experience was utterly unknown to Merlin, he had never felt another person do this for him. He was quickly out of his depth, clinging to Gwaine like a drowning man and moaning against his lover's kiss. The knight knew he wouldn't last, not this first time, so he quickly pulled his lips away, holding Merlin down on the bed with one hand on his stomach and slipping down his body until he could run his tongue up his inner thigh. That warning was all Merlin got before Gwaine took him into his mouth and Merlin stuffed his wrist between his lips to muffle the sounds that tore from him.

Sensations flowed over Merlin like a wave, his entire body and mind focused on the pleasure Gwaine was producing in him. He cried out, his voice low and throaty as he felt himself arch towards climax. He could not last, he had no choice and he threw his head back as he released, shuddering as he closed his eyes and moaned Gwaine's name.

The crash brought Merlin back to his senses far too quickly, he was still dazed and disoriented from the pleasure he had experienced to understand what he was looking at. Slowly it dawned on him and he sat upright on the bed, one hand reaching to Gwaine, trying to act as if nothing had happened. The knight was smiling and licking his lips, only noticing the state of the room after a few moments. When he did see, he stared around him in surprise.

"Did... did we do that?" he asked weakly as he looked at the disaster that was now his quarters. Merlin began to laugh, helplessly shaking his head. "Yeah... yeah we did" he said, quite truthfully. He felt he could heap some of the blame on Gwaine for making him loose control in such a spectacular way. It was just a shame that he couldn't tell the knight he had made Merlin levitate half the contents of the room when he released...

Gwaine pulled himself up the bed and curled up, drawing Merlin into his arms and kissing him softly. The tenderness in the knight was unexpected but very pleasant and Merlin relaxed into his arms, feeling docile and sleepy. He was very warm despite his nudity but he knew that wouldn't last and was grateful when Gwaine pulled the sheets around them both. Wriggling a little so he could look into his lovers eyes, he spoke his mind, confident that the other would understand him.

"Will this happen again?" he asked, feeling Gwaine's arms wrap tighter around him. The knight met his gaze calmly, a small smile on his face.

"I hope so" Gwaine replied, his own body luring him towards sleep. "I meant it when I said I loved you... being with you makes me happy. Besides" he added, kissing Merlin's upper lip with a smile, "we're so good at it, it would be a shame not to do it again."

Merlin laughed and nodded, his eyes heavy lidded now. "Agreed" he said, resting his head on Gwaine's shoulder and letting sleep take him.


End file.
